did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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