I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
