shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
