I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
