haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
