Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
