you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
