so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
