She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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