He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
