I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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