I think I am morally bankrupt
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
