literally had 100 drinks last night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
