I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
