youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
