then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
