I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
