The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
