I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize