can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
