Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
