Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
