Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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