"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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