Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize