I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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