CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
