Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize