I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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