Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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