Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
