The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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