I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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