the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
