This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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