All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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