i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
