i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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