sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
