I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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