Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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