We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
