I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Oh god it's open bar.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
