Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
