I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
