He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
