Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
