we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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