woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
