I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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