grandma shit on top of the toilet
Welp...herpes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my shit smells like andre
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
