perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize