who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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