thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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