Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
