In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
