if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize