So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
