Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
