you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
