and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
