So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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