hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
