I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
