Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
