I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Its about making memories worth repressing
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
