Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
