My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize