I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
