I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
