just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
