obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize