Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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