Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
