she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
