The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize