I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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