You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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