well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
