moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
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