I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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