Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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