the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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